You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
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Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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