I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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