Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I am in a vortex of obligation.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
