making cat noises will not fix the situation.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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