It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
