i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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