The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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