I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
