My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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