Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
