STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Randomize
