i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
No more Irish car bombs ever.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Randomize
