So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
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Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
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Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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