Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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