it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
