the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
