No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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