Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
