I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
