I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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