Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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