I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
