you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Randomize
