stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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