did you get engaged???
Umm I'm too high to move.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Randomize
