This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
