I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
