I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
