the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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