11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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