Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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