I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
It's never too late to be topless.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Randomize
