I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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