I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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