Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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