member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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