I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
