dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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