I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
