okay pat passed out under dana's car
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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