Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
