make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
