We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
