Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
