I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Randomize
