my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
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