There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
