So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
