I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
