i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
