I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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