yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
