Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Tell her she can't have a vagina
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
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If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
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it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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