Where is the hickey?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
