I saw his package. It spoke to me.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
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i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
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I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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