Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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