when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
