Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
