So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
